Sunday, December 31, 2006

I'll admit it

*growls* Fine, yes, okay. I have a crush.

Geez, you don't have to be shocked. I'm a teenage girl like any other. Almost. There's no way in the world I'm going to tell you his name. I just need to tell someone.

I really would just like to get over it. I've tried too. At least he only bothers me when he's around, for the most part. He's not taking over my every thought. Then I'd just hate him. But I mean, he's cute. And not in a little kid way. Cute really isn't the word.

What the heck am I doing?

I should just go now. Ah, but first...

I got the new blogger. It's nice, but I wish I had my old username. I'm picky like that. I suppose I'll get used to it.

Thr3e comes out in 5 days! Woohoo! I really hope my theater has it. No telling yet though. *waits impatiently* AAAAHHHHH!


Saturday, December 30, 2006

Driving Lesson

Today was my first lesson. Scary, huh? I even drove home. My left leg is so sore and weak I can barely walk on it. Great time to be posting. I did pretty good though. (I think.) I really don't like the driveway, though. Too hard to see. I was lucky enough to only meet two cars on the drive home.

Blogger has lost me with all the changes. I never switched to beta in the first place and now it's something new. Ach! I'll figure it out. Eventually.

I have $655 in my GE account so far. That's a very happy thing. I can't wait to go. But I will. *sighs*

My life is falling apart somedays, it feels like. (Wonderfully crafted sentence, is it not?) Somedays there is just too much. But I'm figuring it out. With a few good cries at night and a lot of prayer, (from me and others) I'm making it. Slowly.

Life is,


Tuesday, December 19, 2006


I really have been meaning to post, but life, well, it just is.

What do I start with? My, well, Christmas break is on, if you can call such a thing as this a break. But at least there's no school. Sort of. I have history I need to do, but I can't until this book comes in at Lexington. *sighs and waits*

Christmas, itself? Don't ask me. I don't have a clue. Okay, so I do. But only a slight one. We're going to Uncle Randy's and Aunt Cindy's on friday and coming back sunday. I don't know if Dad will be able to go at all. Tonight he might be working over as late as 2200. Monday, the 25th, the Whites will be at our house. Happy holidays.

I saw Eragon. I thought it was a pretty good movie. A bit rushed, but good. As to following the book, it could've used help. A lot of it. There's just one thing I'm wondering. At the theater they have this huge set-up thingy (*grins*) and as I passed by I glanced at it and then immediately wondered. "Did that say The First Chapter in the Inheritance Trilogy or The First Chapter in the Inheritance Series? I'm still not sure and it's driving me nuts. 'Cause if it said series... well now, that changes everything. I need to read the books over again, because the movie really lost me on a couple parts with my weak yet present memory of the book. You understand? Two things I must say. First I thought they did great with Durza, the shade. Second, I thought they completely ruined Angela.

But moving on. My missions trip fund is in the 600's! I have money! Too bad I don't know who it's from. I need to go to the library and try there because the financial report won't work on my slow computer. I'm so excited. But I still don't want Crystal to go with me. Please pray for me. Sometimes I just feel like, hmmm, bleh.

I read a really good book right before school let out. Hood by Stephen Lawhead, the first book in King Raven trilogy. Robin Hood in Wales. Yeah, sweet. I've read one other series by him, The Song of Albion. The Paradise War, The Silver Hand, and The Endless Knot. Not the exact editions I read, but you gotta admit, the new covers are freakin' awesome. For history I'll be reading some more of his books.

Ach, I must tell ye this. I'm reading The Fires of Gleannmara series again. For like my sixth time. I highly recommend theses books. I love 'em, I love 'em, I love 'em. I had to read them, I couldn't resist! Hey, it's been almost a whole year since last time. That's probably better than all my previous records.

Ah, you must remind me to tell you all about Crystal's Christmas gift on Wednesday. Quite a story that.



Friday, December 01, 2006

I remembered!

It only took three tries....

Anyway, there's a blour for R. K. Mortensen's Landon Snow and the Island of Arcanum. Every little bit helps, after all.

I haven't read this book, the third in the Landon Snow series, but I want too! The library doesn't have it. Why don't they have any of the Christian fantasy I want to read? No Bryan Davis, no Mortensen, they only have books 1 and 2 of the Guardian-King series. Come on!

Oh well. I'm proud to say I have participated in a blour.


Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Mission Update

Crystal is allowed to go! Now, that is a shocker. Nobody thought she would be able to go, not even her. But she is. And I'm not sure what to do.

Now, I am excited. I'm not sure what her begining motive was. But I truely believe that she is doing this because God wants her too and she believes it. No, she's good. It's me.

All me.


Crystal scares me.
I'm going to be spending a whole month with her. Alone. No Nathan-buffer. No nothing. Just a lot of people that (at first) I won't know. And neither will she. Pray for me. Even if you're not a praying person, please. I need all the help I can get.

I don't know if you've picked this up yet, but I'm not a real People person. Guess what. Crystal is a People. She's a big People. She loves to talk. And I can't handle that for a long time. For awhile I'm good and happy and then I hit my breaking point and I'm ready to scream. Shut up! Yeah, I don't get pretty.

And see you might not see the difference here between having Crystal and not. After all I'm surrounded by People anyway. What's the difference of one more? There's a big difference. I'm not like this around People I know. What you see here is my more outgoing (more still not being way out there, but more so). And with Crystal there I'll have a harder time being this with her there. Not to mention, she's going to be my second shadow. I can feel it.

Please, dear God above, if you can do anything about it at all, don't let her be a second shadow. I don't think I can handle that for a month.

If life finds you living, don't go back to the dead,


Sunday, November 19, 2006

Life goes on...

I've been meaning to post. Really.

See, I meant to post thursday, because, yes, Michael did give me a snare. I'm so happy. It's loud. *grins*

And friday I meant to post, because thursday night Heather called. Heather's my encouragement representative from Teen Mania. Again very happy.

Now today I watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I now have the Harry Potter theme song stuck in my head. At least it's cool. Before that Mom gave me a book that I have to read. And I'm willing, I started it last night. And don't think I'll necessarily agree with all that Abanes says, but I'll listen. Ah, it's called Harry Potter and the Bible. I guess I'll rant more when I've read it.

That's all so I'll leave you to your peace now.

And P.S. There's no school at all this week! Though it is because Aunt Jenny finally died saturday morning.


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Updates again

I am accepted! I'm going to Poland and Germany! (I just realized I probably should have told the schoolmates about this. Hm. *shrugs*) Woohoo! Yes!

Okay, that's out of my system. Maybe. Anyway, Elise called last night and got verbal confirmation from Mom that, yes I was allowed to go. She was processing my application as we spoke! She prayed for me and this time I didn't cry. I'll get my acceptance package in the mail and will pray and work and... oh my, breathe?

This is so awesome! This is so freakin' amazing! I think I need to go. Pray.



Dang, post disappeared....


Monday, November 13, 2006


Now that I'm here, I don't really remember what I was going to say....

I'll ramble.

Now, let's see. Oh yes, I'm making fine progress on my nano novel. (That was sarcasm.) 3000 words I believe. I plan on writing more tonight. Think I can hit 10? (Ooh!) I will sincerely try, at any rate.

I just finished reading Sands of Time by Susan May Warren. The first one, In Sheep's Clothing made everyone want to kill me. It was that good. This measures up perfectly. You have to read it sometime!

Mm, and Pastor Rick completed the recommendation form.

And sunday, (you will never believe this) Michael offered to give me.... a snare drum! He has an extra! I don't think it's for sure yet, but... Oh, dang. I have to practice drum still.

Well, randomness completed. I think I've run out of things to talk about.

That was fast. Hmm.



Thursday, November 09, 2006

I did it!

And I'm scared to death.

And you have no idea what in the world I'm talking about. Yes, world, that works.

See this evening I completed the application form for a Global Expeditions missions trip. I'm going to Germany! And Poland, but hey, cool. The more the merrier! There is the possibility I won't be going to Germany. It's my #1 choice, but still. My #2 and 3 though? Russia and Romania (typical, I know, but I'm me, don't try to change it). Nick called from Teen Mania this evening, right after (as in, like 15 minutes) I finished filling this out. "You signed up that you were interested in a missions trip?" Ah, yeah. When I told him that I had already filled the application online, he logged into my account (he was very amused at my username, dreamerfreak) and was like "Wow, you're really on the ball. You really want to go don't you?"

So we talked and he prayed for me. I cried. He told me to breathe. I laughed, rather shakily. And, oh yeah, he sent me a humongus e-mail with 101 fundraiser ideas and detailed, man! Seriously, big, you copy-paste it in Word, it's 32 pages. That's a lot. I don't think I'm reading it all tonight.

So, if you will, pray for me. I am so scared. I am so excited. I don't think I can think straight. I'm no longer sure.

Life is
So live it!


Tuesday, November 07, 2006


I just read over my first posts (April) and if I may say myself, those are awesome. I just inspired myself. Everyone should have that oppurtunity sometime in their life. To inspire themselves and others. It's a miracle straight from God's hand. For who else but God gives the inspiration for our inspirations.

Close of my soliloquies. I have to practice drum and do civics (maybe) and read and study and write.

Life and peace to all,



I really meant to post last night, but I was catching up on the NaNoWriMo thread on Ted Dekker. Those guys are amazing! And a great encouragement.

I didn't mention this before but htis past weekend I went to ATF (Acquire the Fire) in Cleveland. It rocked. Falling Up was there and Flyleaf, not to mention God. It was awesome. I put my name in with all the others like me who are ready and willing to go on a mission trip. I, of course, to Germany. I am waiting for my call. I think Mrs. Shackle was kind of shocked. Oh well, what are we here for?

I found a thing I wrote a bit before November started that I randomly read today and decided to post. *shrugs* Here goes.

November is important to me for another reason. It is National Novel Writing Month. Fondly called NaNoWriMo, thousands of writers join online to attempt to write, in one month, 50,000 words. In coherent and logical sentences, interelated by a common theme and plot-line. Usually. You see, one knows ahead of time that you won't, simply will not, write anything worth publishing, let alone reading. (This is where the other 11 months come in.) But that doesn't matter, if at the end of the month you have conquered that mountain of words, climbed to the top, than you have succeeded and you can count yourselves among the proud ranks of Wrimo novelists. The under-acheiving, under-acknowledged, underdogs of the writing world. Join our progress (and procrastination) at You can watch my own progress (can't believe I'm doing this) under the username dreamer freak.
..."staggering work of heartbreaking genius" as Randy Ingermanson would put it...

And that is it. Unedited, yet there are few things I would change. Love first drafts like that.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

It's begun!

The madness has begun! And I've pulled others into. Yesterday Crystal plotted her whole book and has (last known) word count of over 200. I don't know my word count, but I'm on to third page, handwritten.

Well, I'm trying.

Are you?


Monday, October 30, 2006


I have discovered the amazing wonders of online trading cards. And Harry Potter trading cards being my real fancy. If you know me you will find me.



Sunday, October 29, 2006

Simplexium Forums

Okay, people. We need help. This forum is dying and if we could revive it I think I could be a good place. Please!



It all started last saturday.....

Saturday the twenty-first of the month of October was a rather long and tiring day. I woke up early (for my standards) but didn't get up til 900. A horrible delaying tactic, I know, but when you're desperate you'll try anything. I sat in my chair doing nothing til 945 and finally taook my shower. At 1005 I was downstairs eating breakfast and putting on socks and shoes. (*shudders*) At 1017 Dad took me to the church. After telling me where Mom had gone, the hospital that is, Uncle Jeff was in with chest pains. So we left. I got there and... none of the teens were there, except Michael. We were supposed to be there at 1030, right? Even if none of us knew why? After a few more minutes people started arriving. And for 1 1/2 hours I did nothing but talk to Lindsay, Sam and Shaela, carry some paper mache balloons around and tape newspaper to a table.

1200. The people begin to arrive. The real people, you know. The Harvest Party has begun. I'm hurridly eating the rest of my lunch. Watching Mom look around for me. Nathan, Crystal, Richard and Daniel (who's Daniel? hehe) are with her. I finish my cookie and reluctantly head to my post. Pumpkin painting. There is worse. I force Richard to paint a pumpkin, threaten to make his week misery. Nathan joins him. I spend the next three hours instructing kids, cutting out faces (enjoyed that part!) and running the horse race. Yes, Mr. Wayne left us all alone with the horse race for "just a few minutes". An hour later he's finally back. Or was it longer? I'm not sure, I couldn't find my watch that morning.

1500. Free! Sorta. You see next come Hallelujah Day. An alternative to Halloween hosted by the Fikes. It was cold. And I didn't know anyone. And Crystal forgot who Daniel was (only for a moment though). But! I did enjoy the band known as the Mighty Underdogs. I was in the perfect position to watch the drummer. *sighs in ecstasy* So my day was redeemed.

1930. Home sweet home! I'm too tired to do anything but sit and stare blankly with glazed eyes. Being on your feet all day does that to you.

But 2000 brings me to my point. My original introduction to the fascinating character known in my mind as Potter. Harry, that is. From 2000 to 2300 I watched Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with Dad.

Tuesday the twenty-fourth. Mom and I hike over to Mansfield to buy Crystal's brithday present. (Today, by the way. Happy 15th Crystal!) We stop at the library. I ask Mom the ultimate question, Can I check out Harry Potter? Mom calls Dad and we get a yes. I know she's not the happiest with it. We are Christians and if you haven't heard the havoc raised about Harry Potter than you obviously live somewhere in a different system. Surely not ours. The thing I don't understand is why. I've read Eragon and Eldest and though I can't be sure as I haven't read the Harry Potter books (I plan on it this summer), I have a suspicion that Mom would prefer Potter to those. So the only reason Mom would let me read the Inheritance trilogy then, is the fact that she has heard nothing against it.

People get on my nerves.

I don't mind people not reading them because the have magic. I just believe that it should be up to the reader, and also, in the case of a minor, the parent.

There's my little chunk of philosophy for the day.

So after I checked it out (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, that is) I spent the drive home trying to figure a time when both Dad and I could watch it. There wasn't one. So I watched it that evening.

Thusday the twenty-sixth. I was bored, what can I say. I didn't feel like reading, so I uh... watched it again? (Heh.)

Saturday the twenty-eighth, yesterday. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban was on. I didn't see the first half hour, but I managed anyway.

Don't ask why I told you all this. I just felt I needed too, so here it is. Long, rambling story important to no one but me. Read if you like, it's my life.



Thursday, October 19, 2006


I am done! It's 1300 and I'm done with everything! Yes! No school, no drum. The only things I have to do today are drums lessons at 1800 and studying science terms and reading (the last two very conveniently occur at the same time). But I'm done, I'm done. *dances around the room in a fit of utter madness and joy*

*slowly regains control and settles*

Among other news, I've picked up some WriMo buddies at the Ted Dekker Forum. The only question is, Do I tell them m own name?


Sunday, October 15, 2006

NaNoWriMo 2006

Last night I figured out what my story for NaNoWriMo this year would be. The oddest circumstances. But I don't think I'll go into them. Let's just say God was teaching me a lesson and leave it at that.

I'm doing Lily's story. Interesting girl. So much has been coming to me this morning. I've even developed Emrys's character some (!). I don't know if I've ever told this, but my stories, well, they aren't mine. I'm privileged to know them, to write them. They're God's, He's just kind enough to let me borrow them. Believe, I could never come up with half this stuff on my own.

That's all I really wanted to say. I'm playing DragonFable as I write this (it's a weekend event, just try and stop me), so I'll end here with a note of good luck for other writers. I know what you're going through.

You all should join NaNoWriMo. I'm dreamer freak over there. (Fits right?) See you on the other side.


Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dark Hour

I remembered!

Actually I remembered ummm, last night or the night before. What can I say? I'm a busy girl. *grins*

Anyway, it was Elisha. I loved the way she depicted Elisha! To see a man of God laughing like a maniac in the middle of a road wasn't exactly what I expected but it was perfect. And the scene with the boy Jonah. "Run for your life." Beautiful. How could I have possibly forgotten.

And for your knowledge, I have decided to start supporting blours. (That would be a blog tour bor those of you who have not read famed author, Brandilyn Collin's blog. And shame on you.) So if you happen to hear of one I might be interested in drop me a coment.

I know there are others out there. I can feel you. *glares into the outer dark*


Sunday, October 08, 2006

The World Hates Me

So, it probably only feels that way, but so what?

I tried to get yesterday (really!) but my stupid computer wouldn't let me. (This time I'll be nice and won't blame it on poor Blogger as usual.) Yesterday, I was bored out of my mind. I went with Mom to Aunt Jenny's (Mom's) birthday party. Now I've undoubtedly met her before, but I sure don't remember it. We stayed for 3 1/2 hours. Whoop. So I sat and did nothing. *sighs*

So, maybe the world doesn't hate me. But sometimes it just really sucks.

But on to something happier. I finished on Friday, The Thief Lord by Cornelia Funke. She's a German author, and I've had this book in my pile for what seems like forever waiting to read it. And it's turn finally came! It's beautiful. I just need to read all her others now. I'd like to own German copies of her books. Not that I'm anywhere close to being able to read them. But I'd feel special owning them and it'd be nice one day to read them in the original language.

Since I'm talking of books right now, I have to mention one I read about a week ago. It's called The Begotten by Lisa Tawn Bergren. (Isn't the the coolest name?) If you ever see it pick it up. It's amazing! I don't know that I could really describe it if I tried so I won't. *grins*

It's almost November! I don't know which story to write! Ah, maybe I'd better explain myself. You see last year I signed up for NaNoWriMo at the very end of the month. So I didn't get a chance to participate. This year I plan to. Well, at least try. I may fail miserably, but it doesn't really matter.

Dear readers, write!


Thursday, October 05, 2006


Blogger let me get on! Okay, so that wasn't the only thing stopping me, but I did try to get on tuesday and it wouldn't let me. So I'll blame it all on them. Easier that way.

I must say that I love my German. I don't know if I'm learning anything, but I love it anyway so it keeps me happy.

On to the more important subjects. I finished a book yesterday called Dark Hour. I know there was something I was going to say about it.... Hold on a let me think.

Oh yeah! Dang, lost it. Give me a minute more here.

Sheesh my mind is pathetic. I can't remember. Well, maybe I'll come back to it. (mocking voice in head: "Yeah, like three years from now.")
Okay, but I really do remember the other thing about books I wanted to say. It's about The Mysteries by Lisa Tuttle? Yeah, well, it frightens me. I started it last night, and I don't know that I'll ever pick it up again. It's not that it scary. It's really good as far as I've read (which would be 7 chapters). It just felt wrong. Very wrong. And right after I got in bed, then I did feel scared for just the shortest moment. Prayer is an amazing thing.
Has anybody out there read it? What do you think?
And I promise if I can remember what I was going to say about Dark Hour I'll run and tell you no matter what I'm in the middle of.
God bless you dreams! (for they are your life)


Tuesday, August 22, 2006


According to reports at the forum signing up for The Circle will not get me points if someone uses my number. I wonder what the code space is there for?... 8/

Anyway... back to life as we know it...


I'm Alive!

I have survived the first day of school! Which is amazing considering how loud it was half of the time. I'll have to get used to all the people again. Yesterday evening Mom and I just sat there and did nothing after they left. It took a bit to get some momentum goin'.

Today we didn't have school because we went to a funeral. Dad's Aunt Helen died friday (I believe) and calling hours and funeral were all today. Tasha and I came back early and didn't go to the graveside service. Richard and Holly came with us.

I'm so excited about my German! 'Tis such fun. I planned on doing some today but... I'm running low on time. After I get off the computer I have to do 4 music lessons and finish it up quick. I didn't have the chance sunday. Nathan, Crystal, Uncle Rick, Holly, Chet and Richard were all over, Richard spent the night and then I stayed up til midnight to finish this book. Letter Perfect by Cathy Marie Hake. What, I was desperate.

I finally sent an e-mail out to the loop. I actually figured the solution out saturday day night in bed. (The best time to solve problems.) But I haven't been on, too busy. I'm glad to be back though. Very glad. And maybe I'll get some responses on this venture.

Gosh, I feel like I should be saying more, but I don't know what. Plus, I have this feeling like I'm forgeting something important....

Oh well. See ya 'round, y'all



Thursday, August 17, 2006

End of Silence

Total double meaning there.

1. I bought End of Silence today. Yes, Red's debut cd. And it's absolutely wonderful. I listened to the whole thing while sitting in the van outside the chiropractor's office. For and hour and a half. I also read a couple chapters in Tom Sawyer and sat there doing nothing. (Hey, I'm proud. Considering how lethargic I've been since yesterday, reading 2 chapters and doing 2 music lessons is an amazing accomplishment. I'm blaming it all on starting my HTP again.) But moving on.

2. The other End of Silence is a more personal one. School. Now don't get me wrong. I'm dying for school to begin. (I'm not being sarcastic here.) I'm just not looking forward to everything that comes with it. AKA the noise. I tolerate, if not enjoy it most times. But it can get to a body. Very easily sometimes. I'm just praying I'll deal ok. I'm starting A Young Woman After God's Own Heart on monday. Figured I'd need it. Mom bought it for me back at CHEO, but I didn't actually receive it until last monday (the 7th).

I cherish that Silence and I do not look forward to the End. But hopefully my other Silence, Red's Silence and God's Silence will get me through.

Music and God, yes, most times together. That'll get me through. It always has, always will.


Wednesday, August 16, 2006

What have I DONE?!!!

I just typed and entered my 25th post on the Circle forum.


Have I lost Lurker status? What will I do? I'll be lost without it! To never return to my dear Lurkdom with it's murky waters and anonymity. To never sink beneath the surface and only come up to breathe once a blue moon. The precious lurkers, we know and see all. Beware the lurkers. They will rule. We know the people but the people do not know us. Creates for some interesting situations. *grins*

Will the Lurkers accept me back in their waters? For that matter will they ever know I'm gone to begin with? *blinks twice*

On other news, I edited Keepers today. I need to update the blog now. And type some more of it in. I only have 8 typed pages, I bet there's 15 worth in the notebook. Hmph.

Well, on and in.


Tuesday, August 15, 2006

How it Works

(At least as best as I can figure it out.)

Through a complex trial-and-error process with Crystal, I (well, we) have deduced a few things.

1. The Read Ted? site only signs you up for the e-mail updates. And gives you access to the rest of the Saint comic. Nothing else. But it does get me a point. Happy.

2. If you register on the message boards, there is a place to put a code, though it is not necessary. (My code is FG4YV3. Hint.) This also gets me a point.

3. No confirmation is necessary. gerrard says they'll look at the results of this time and see if they think it's necessary next time.

That's all I know, so don't look at me.



I've posted on the BotB forum and the DK forum, but I just don't know what to do with the ACFW loop! How do I start this conversation out of nowhere?! Especially when I rarely post to begin with. I'm going to have to pray on this one. A lot.

I'm very happy because I helped someone today! The_Hunter e-mailed me to take me up on my offer of adding guard numbers to PDFs for anyone who coudn't/didn't want to. I did something for someone! Woo-hoo!

If anyone had ideas... well, ya know where to leave 'em.



Monday, August 14, 2006


Here's to the internet. And links.

Saint Graphic Novel Intro

Have at y'all. Have fun.



Something to Cheer the Day

Something to make me a little happier anyway. Leisha Kelly's site is up and goin'! And the title of the third Tahn book has been announced. The Scarlet Trefoil. Hoo-boy, I can't wait. But wait I must.

Dad and Tasha just got home. I haven't seen Tasha, haven't left the computer yet. They'll be eating.

And... I believe that my e-mail just came! Yes, the e-mail. But I'm reading a couple of others that just came first so give me a minute and let me see.




(Stupid Yahoo! Come on, load!)


*growls long and low*


*hums vague tunes*


And we are GOOD TO GO!

Lock and load, baby. Lock and load.


Tasha's Accident

God, it's becoming an epidemic.

On the way home from work, Tasha stopped at Save-A-Lot to pick up some taco shells. Apparently someone pulled out in front of her. She called Dad. Dad headed over. When mom called to see why he was late (around 1730) he said he was on the way and that Tasha had had an accident. I knew it was something bad. Could hear it in Mom's voice. Mom and I ate. Tasha called and talked to Mom. They prayed. Dad called.

It was a semi. The car seems to be totaled but Tasha is just cuts and bruises. God is obviously with us. Of all the days....

Always shine,


It has Begun

The Invasion has begun. The gates are open. And the world is utterly defenseless and unprepared.

Okay, so officially we haven't been sent an e-mail saying that it's begun (the numbers are active). But how can you pass up such a beautiful oppurtunity?! So I gave the link at the BotB forum. I couldn't resist. And as it's hopefully starting up today (sometime...) there was no logical reason not to. willynate has said that he has gotten the e-mail and has reported 5 sign-ups (and therefore 5 points). I don't really know what to think as no one else has said anything. I really wish gerrardfan would get on and help us out. We may be pretty self-sufficient and running but we don't know everything.

Soon, my precious, soon we shall overcome. ... And rule!


Today is The Day

I'm actually excited about this. I'm going to help spread the word about Dekker's newest book and that could change lives. I'm waiting impatiently with the rest at the forums for the activation e-mails. Then I'll post on the DK forum, maybe the BotB forum, e-mail the ACFW loop. I'll e-mail Dad too, I'm thinking maybe Nathan. He reads Frank Peretti. We're supposed to be recruiting new fans too right? I could try Tasha but I don't think it'd work. I'm considering Crystal. (She's read the Blessed books.) Even though she's considered reading the Circle Trilogy, she hasn't and I don't know that she would be interested in reading Saint.


Wait for it, wait for it...


Sunday, August 13, 2006


It's amazing how things can change your perspective. And so easily. Us humans, so easily influenced. I'm not sure if that is encouraging or not.

We started on Moses's "let My people go" saga today in sunday school. After reading Sorcerer by James Byron Huggins, suddenly it all looks different. And it makes me wonder, it makes me think.

And it also reminds me of a song. Huh. It's by Kutless but I don't know the name. I'll find it later.

I have to go make cheesecake crust, so ... later?



Thursday, August 10, 2006

It's Up

I am a freakin' genius. Look at this! I have got up the PDF with my guard number. I'm brilliant. And all this afternoon too. If there's someone really reading this, I would just beg one favor. If you're gonna sign up don't do it til the guard numbers get activated, please. It should be the 14th, monday. But I'll be telling either way. This is amazing! Thank God.

The Guard will Rule!

Hold on to your hats, we're on our way.


NO! It... it can't.

I have finished reading The Wilderking Trilogy. I finished this morning, but I've been having fun on the internet. I have been keeping up very well with all the posts on the FG forum. And I edited a PDF file with Photoshop all by my lonesome! Amazing. currently I'm writing this post, downloading the Guard intro video and keeping tabs on the FG forums. Oh yes, and playing with Blogger Help. Love that thing.

Ah, but the post title, you're probably wondering, What the heck? Yes. That is to do with the Trilogy. Rogers can't just end like that. There needs to be more books! Not that the ending is bad or anything. There just... ach!, needs to be more! It's to good a story and characters not too! But he likely won't. *sighs*

So I play with my new friends in the FG to comfort myself. So much better than comfort food.

Wow, this is taking awhile to write this post. I'm doing too many things at once I guess. Soon I'll link to the PDF and give out my Guard #. I'm working on that right now too.

To all the feechies at heart!


Wednesday, August 09, 2006


Maybe I should do this more often.

Really, you'll never believe what all I accomplished today simply because I have nothing else to do. And will die if I do nothing.

Was downstairs and ready to go a little before 800. Took a walk for around 820 to 840. Talked to a guy from North Robinson who was mowing for the county. Nice guy, odd conversation. So get back home. Do one lesson in music. (Love finishing subjects before school even starts. And this is why we love homeschooling.) Hung out laundry (the towels). (This is the unbelievable one.) I finished my current comp assignment. (!) Now on to the next one. *gags* I hang out more laundry (work clothes). Typed up recipes to send out to people. Typed up transcript beginings for us schoolmates still in school. Made a batch of peanut butter cookies. Made good progress on my planbook. Did a second music lesson. And somewhere in there I've gone on my internet rounds 3 times. Incuding all the posts in the new FG forum. I now have two hours till Dad comes home. (He has some stops to make. Library of course and Wal-Mart I think.)

I'm proud of myself.

Mom went to a moms thing at the Off Center Cafe and said she'd be back between 4 and 5. I need to start the chicken if she's not back in time, prolly around quarter till 5. I originally thought I'd start reading at 4, but if Dad's not getting back til 530, but then I might have to fix supper... *grabs a pillow and screams*

See, I stopped off reading Bog Owl last night after chapter 17. (Wait, let me run see how many chapters there are.) There's 27 chapters and an epilogue. That gives me 10 chapters to read (and an epilogue *grins*). I'm a horrible estimater and have no idea how long it will take me to read it. I guess I'll start a little after 4. Hmph. I'll try to convince myself that it's not the end. It's just a pause, an intermission ... of about 2 seconds as I tear off to the door and franticly rip Swamp King out of Dad's hands.

I'll make it. I have recipes I can type up and music lessons to do.

To the books of the world and all desperate waiting involved.

(Seriously, this is fun. Try it some time.)



Tuesday, August 08, 2006

*Sings* "It's a Beautiful Day..."

So many happy things today! Well, we went to the movies, John Tucker Must Die. Not all but half bad! Crystal spent the night last night and we stayed up really late. Just ask Tasha. And...

The Forest Guard site is up! And the forum. I'm so excited. Next week I get to start Mission Saint. I'll be sure to post my guard number and the PDF file of the comic book (if I can figure out how, that is).

The Y thing was canceled. God forgive me, but I'm rejoicing inside. Mrs. Shackle asked us to help next week, but we can't. Tasha has her eye appointment and we're all going to the library. *sighs quietly with relief* The circumstances around it aren't that great though. Mrs. Sherer is sick (I think, I might have heard that wrong) and Bethany had an allergic reaction to the chlorine in the pool the other kids threw her into last night. (Adam had a bonfire.) She told them before, but they did it anyway. (Sometimes I don't understand my own generation.) Tasha came home early last night for that reason. She was trying to stop them and got a wee bit upset. Bethany had to go to the emergency room. *sighs*

Moving on to more pleasant topics. You'll never guess what I'm getting tomorrow. To read. From the library. (Okay, so you might be able to guess.)

Yes, yes, yes! The Secret of the Swamp King! It's currently In Transit. (Actually let me check. One moment please. And yes, I know I'm obsessive. You don't have to tell me.) Yup, still Transit. Along with my other two books. I just love it when everything cooperates like this. Dark Fathom is one of the ones on hold. It's been on hold since December. Yes, December. It's been in processing since December. I'm glad they finally got it moving. My hold expires next month.

Well, back off to reading The Bark of the Bog Owl. (Yes again. What do you think I am, some sort of monster?! *mumbles to self* Not re-reading a book before reading the sequels... heathens!)


Friday, August 04, 2006


Yeah, fun. *rolls eyes* Hey, at least I got a binder. *grin* It's all full up of online serials. Sure didn't take long. Just maybe two more.... and I should be good! For a while anyways.

I need my book! *weeps* 1.5 hours left. I don't think I can make it. I'm going to, I don't know, pass out!

But to pass the time you must check out this. I love these! It's amazing how many talented people are out there with stories like these to tell. Publishers take note! Authors in the making over at the forum! (I for one would buy books like these, knowing they're clean: priceless.)

Waiting impatiently for the world to end,


If I can survive...

I'll get to read The Way of the Wilderking! It's sitting upstairs in my bedroom at this moment, begging to be read. Seriously, I can hear it if I listen hard enough.

Dad brought it home last night, but sadly, the second one isn't in yet. (Do not worry. I'm checking my library account, like, every five minutes. I'm sure they love me.) So I wait. I don't plan on starting the next book in my pile until 16:30. Then I'll have the whole weekend to finish it, without worrying that I might have three books glaring at me from the endtable as I hurry to finish it. I'll have three whole days. I should be fine.

But that book had better come today! I'm slowly wilting. Believe it or not, I'm already done with my chores because I had nothing better to do and was trying to stay away from the computer for a few minutes anyway. I've actually prayed that it would come today. Normally I'm not that frivolous, but I figure I need it.

Here's why. Mom and Dad have volunteered us for this thing at the Y. Only one time (it's almost over anyway) but I don't handle these things well. It's sorta like a backyard Bible school program. It's starts at 10 (on tuesday) and should end somewhere between 11:30 and 12. Lots of kids and nowhere to run. Lots of kids as in around 40. I'll try to give an account on tuesday. If I'm still alive and capable of typing. (You know, not at the hospital in a coma or anything.)

Then again. Maybe it would be better if it came in tuesday. Then I would have something to bury myself in to cover up the horror of the experience as it wears off. Three books oughta do it. I hope.

To all you out there who've ever had to wait for something. I feel for you.

Shine like Stars,


Monday, July 31, 2006

I am so aggravated. I wrote a post yesterday and just now realized that for some random reason it has disappeared into the nether (or is that ether *shrugs*). Sometimes I hate blogger. I really wish I could get that back though.


Better luck to you


Finally, it's Done

Yes, it's done, I submitted my application to Mission-0101: Saint. I have made my decision. Wanna guess what it is? Come on.. I love these games.

Okay, okay, fine, I'll tell you.... tomorrow? (I just love playing with myself.)

Today, fine.

PDF version, I chose. Of course, I immediately regretted my decision, but it was too late! It was off, sent somewhere into the deep realm of cyberspace that roam everyday. See, I belong here, I made a wise choice.

I know that if I had chose the physical I would have regretted it too. So it doesn't really matter. I'll just leave it up to God. Whatever they send me, that's what I'll do. It did say "if you had to choose..." so it may not be definite.

Either way I wait impatiently for, first August 7th, then the 14th. The 7th is when the FG website and section on the forum both open. The 14th is when further instructions arrive.

Long couple of weeks.

But then I also have those books I'm waiting for... supposed to take two to four weeks... this thursday makes two.... SOON!

And to make things absolutely beeauutiful, school starts th 21st! I think I just fell in love with August.


And if you're reading this, pray for everyone over at the forum. It's getting better (example: the sigs have been fixed) but the internationals can't join and nobody really likes that. There's only 4 mods for the whole site and it's hard for them.

Dive Deep
Always Shine

Never break the Circle


Friday, July 28, 2006

I'm In

Well, actually we're all in. Anyone who applied for the FG was accepted (or close to anyway). Now I have to apply for the mission. The problem is: I have to ask for parental permission. You're going, What's the big deal? and I'm going Nothing... really. See, I know I'll get permission. The problem is the actual asking of it. I asked Mom, I was almost shaking. She said it sounded ok, but ask Dad. *sighs* Now I'm feeling like I'm going to throw up. I can't just ask DAD!!!

I know, I'm weird. It's not like I don't love Dad or anything. It's just I'm shy. An unfortunate defect. I have til thursday to get up the nerve.

The other question I have is less important (and annoying). Mostly because I'm pretty sure of the answer. They will give you actual paper copies of the graphic novel or send you a PDF file copy of it. So I can pass it out to people or post around on various forums I go to. Along with here and an e-mail loop I'm on. I'm thinking PDF. Not altogether decided though. I'll get Dad's opinion when I get the gut to ask.

*moans* I am going to die.

Sorry, pathetic moment past.

I have 6 days. Wish me luck. (Or better yet, pray!)



Thursday, July 27, 2006

Update on the Guard

I've been restless all day. I hardly managed to read my book, but forced myself until I got interested enough. I planned on finishing it tonight and probably would've made it. Then I remembered that Crystal was spending the night tonight. About 5 minutes before they got here. Nathan and Crystal are in the dining room doing chemistry with Dad while I'm in here in the living room hurrying to write this. Normally I love sitting in on the chemistry lessons. Today I couldn't get into it. Wonder why?

On the forum today, there was really nothing new about FG. I'm being impatient. I shouldn't expect anything until maybe the 1st. That's not too long.

I finally got the second Mask video loaded on my slow computer. The end is hilarious. I can't believe he actually posted that on the internet. Yeah, real calming music. ('Course for me, that is.)

Ah, but something very interesting on the forum, perhaps I'll finally understand all the references to The Circus now, The Three Ring Circus. You have to check this out. I haven't hardly gotten into it yet. It's like 130 pages long. (Yes, I copied it all into Word. And, no, I did not print it. That will be a slow process and only after a bit of proofing. My style of copy-paste wasn't the most accurate.) It's amazing so far.

I'm dying to know. I'm still undecided on whether I really want to do this. I scared of what I'd have to do if I got it. But I think it would be so awesome at the same time. Confusion!

BTW, to all the readers in the future who actually know me, my sn on The Circle is leigolast. And to all the people who don't know me, don't feel left out. They don't know what it means either. MWAHAHAHAHA!

Dive Deep
Always Shine


Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The Forest Guard

The Forest Guard needs help! And I have applied for the position. I doubt I'll be accepted but I refuse to let my shyness stop me from reaching out with both hands this time! I've read much about the FG today and it has bolstered my spirits till I almost feel I could do it. A good thing considering there is the chance I might have to.

No, really, I am excited. I'm just extremely nervous also. No real reason to be, I know. The chances of me getting one of the positions is slim and getting slimmer. (2 hours left) But there is such a realm of possibility, currently just beyond my reach.

I tell you what, I'm going to start reading Dekker's blog. I've revisited the forum too. I hide just below the surface in the murky waters of Lurkdom. Find me if you dare.

I'm starting to get fidgety. Not cool. Bad thing is, I don't even know when the accepted FG will be announced. I'll have to start checking for rumors. It's likely been changed with the new closing for applications date.

Ah well. We'll see.

Until then,
Dive Deep


Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Help me! I'm doing it again.

I read one of the most awesome books on ... sunday! It's called The Bark of the Bog Owl by Jonathan Rogers. It's the first book in the Wilderking Trilogy.

The library *grrr* doesn't have the last two, The Secret of the Swamp King and The Way of the Wilderking. So I have to ILL them. (That would be Inter-Library Loan.) We're going to the library on thursday and I think it'll take about two weeks... but I'm really not sure because I don't remember how long it took last time I ILL'd something. *sigh*

I'm going to die. Somebody will kill me, sure. I'm going to be going up and down the walls and everybody's nerves too. (Multi-tasking!) I'm so impatient! To make things all over worse, guess what I'm reading currently. Absalom, Absalom! by William Faulkner. I'm telling you this guy needed more grammar lessons or love or something as a child, because he has apparently forgotten this important thing known to normal people as a period. A little dot, you know, that comes at the end of sentences. There was one paragraph, (the first in the book in fact) it was over half a page long and it contained 2 sentences. Do you know how hard that is to read? Very, let me tell ya. So far it also seems to have no plot whatsoever.

Hey, you never know, it might get better.

Might being the key word there, might.

But probably won't.

If I hurry today I might finish it.

Might being the key word there.

I can't wait till thursday.

(Feechies rule!)


Saturday, July 15, 2006


I'm just here to write because I can't seem to do anything else. (At least not for more than 2 minutes at a time. That gets annoying.) Sooo....

I finished an amazing book this morning, afternoon, 1ish o'clock. There we go. 1ish o'clock. It's called Relentless. If you think it sounds good and you'd like to read it, let me give you some advice: Don't! It's not that I have anything against the book. (Hello? Did I not just say it was amazing.) It's just that it is so darn good! And it ends... and I'll be dying a slow and painful death until next July when book 2 in The Dominion Trilogy comes out. (I'll revive slightly then.) Then go through the process again until July 2008!

See? I'm just trying to save you pain. Buy the whole trilogy in 2008 and spare yourself the heartache that I am currently going through. Too late for me; save yourselves!


I'll (not-so-freely) admit it. I liked the Thresher even when I first met him. *cringes* Don't hate me? I know, I know, he's an assassin. *switches to whiney voice* We're not supposed to like assassins. They're bad people. But they're interesting! And he is so darn good. I didn't realize about his speed thing until I saw him through someone else's eyes. Very sweet. *grins* (Gonna have to look that up in the book again. Get the details of why right.) And seriously, he is almost a good guy now! So close... (yeah, I get it, so far...) Give the cool guy a break.

I can't believe that Maximilian killed Hannah. (Okay, so I can, but you know what I mean!) Mean! Mean, mean, mean, cruel and cold-hearted and mean. Humph.

Okay, I'm over my grump.

This turned into something a bit more specific than just "Ramblings". Prehaps I should change the name. Then again, I think this is exactly what I came to write about. Assuredly deeper than ramblings.

An idea just hit me. What if I put my stories on a blog. Made a blog for each one that I have a good bit written on... That would be fun. It's not like anyone reads this stuff anyway... brilliant! Not just yet, but perhaps soon. I can go check some things out now.

God bless,


Monday, July 10, 2006

Oh, what a Beautiful Day

Guess what I get to do this evening...

See Dead Man's Chest! Can any y'all say boo-yah?

We're going with Nathan and Crystal, of course. I'm so excited. Cap'n Jack is hilarious. Tasha has already seen it, but I am not going to allow that to ruin it for me. Besides, I could have gone but decided not to for my poor income's sake. To show you just how bad it is: I have $17 and I feel absolutely rich.

Other news of interest would include (1) They actually put my insert in this week. Frightening experience. (2) I've been writing! I am making progress in Keepers and Si's story. It's amazing. I think I'm in love.

There's really nothing else to write. I just had to put that I'm going to see Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. (Call me obsessive and get it over with.)

God bless!


Monday, July 03, 2006

Money Problems

Money problems, yeah that works. Doesn't money always cause problems? Maybe we should just get rid of it. Go back to the bartering system. I'd go for it.

See, yesterday I found out that Dad told Mr. Burgin a few months ago that Tasha aand I didn't want to work for him this summer so he has found someone else for the job of driving a tractor in the early morning hours. I admit, I'm probably the one who gave him this impression. I have an unnatural dread of the job. Lawn-mowing too, which has devolved onto me. I don't why, I just get nervous and am tempted to cry. But this spring and summer mowing the yard I've worked very hard at overcoming this fear and it really hits me at all anymore.

Mom, Natasha and I have discussed and worked out everything. I would work mondays, fridays and saturdays, the days when Tasha has to go in to work at 9:00. Tasha got the other days. Three days each, good and fair. Unfortunately Dad was left out of all these conversations, so all our decisions have come to nothing.

Dad was very apologetic, as was Mom (why? she had nothing to do with it? never understand some people...), but I was still disappointed. My main income, money I was depending on, just slipped through my fingers and down the drain.


I'm okay. I'll make it. I don't have anything I have to buy until October, Crystal's birthday. Right now there's 2 loaves of bread baking in the oven that will make me $2 profit each. A third on the table thawing. There's always lawn-mowing. And when the holiday season comes I'll be temporarily rich. Worn out from all the darn baking, but rich by my own standards.

Point being, I'll live. I just won't have as many books, clothes, cd's and notebooks to do it with. (I really do need another pair of jeans though. I only have one I'm comfortable in, and one other besides. But it's summer, I'll live a couple of months.)

They say money is the root of all evil. I agree.


Friday, June 30, 2006

One more thing

I have to announce this. Can't believe I forgot! My German came today. Rosetta Stone curriculum. Really good they say.

When can I start?


It's Over

Finally, yes, it's done. Everything.

CHEO, graduation, and graduation party. And mini shopping trip with Grandma. And my bulletin insert.

And.... reading DragonKnight!

Ok, let's back up.

It started on friday. (Well, actually it started on thursday, but I didn't go. *grin*) The whole family (yup, all four of us) got into the van and drove of to Columbus to the CHEO (Christian Home Educators of Ohio) convention. Two good things come to mind about friday. 1: Dad dragged me off to the Good Stewerd Books booth and made me pick out a book to buy. I saw DragonSpell and, well, was there any choice after that? 2: We got to listen to RadioU while in Columbus. I guess you could make it three if you count all the exercise I got running around the humongous building.

Saturday was worse. Tasha's graduation. I count one thing I enjoyed about saturday. I got to play amateur photographer with Dad's camera. And of course RadioU.

Sunday. Tasha's graduation party. Whee. Three hours of people. People I don't know, for that matter. As if we aren't all tired enough already. *sigh* After the people leave we have to go to Adam's grad party. Good thing there. We got to play some badmitton. (poor birdy...) And Danielle and Erica were good. It was a nice change. *grin*

Go home, fall into bed.

Next day? (Ah, dear monday, so close to my heart...) (Yes, that was sarcasm.) Grandma comes over. Now don't get me wrong, Grandma is awesome. Yes, she probably needs some help, but don't we all? Besides she says she's only like this when with us. I don't believe her. We went "shopping". So it only consisted of one store. We still went somewhere. Then to lunch at El Campestre. The server there remembers us (ah, bad memories, bad memories...). His name is Margarito. We went on Tasha's birthday and she got to wear a sombrero! Admittedly, it's bad when the waiter knows your orders after three times.

The one store we went to was The Bookery, a Christian book store. Grandma bought us all a book and I bet you already know which one I got. DragonKnight! So my day was made. Can we go home now?

We did. And played Phase 10. Mom actually won. Grandma always wins. It was amazing, a miracle.

And finally Tuesday came. Unfortunately I was in the middle of a series and had to finish.

Wednesday wasn't a good day. I had to write a bulletin insert about our youth group. What we're into right now, etc. Right now, we're not doing much of anything though, so... yeah. It was also my first. I freaked out most of the day, sneaking in bits of DragonSpell whenever I could and finally finished. I will be surprised if it's actually in the bulletin on sunday. Once I finished though, I read like mad. Finished DragonSpell at like 11:30 that night. I love these books.

Yesterday was the most fun though. I got up, took my shower, read my short section of history (yes, but I'm almost done!) and sat down to read DragonQuest. Around 9:30 Mom tells me I need to take a walk sometime. "Now?" "Sure." So I take a walk, 20 minutes, 1 mile. I'm back and reading again. Finish DragonQuest and start DragonKnight. I finished DragonKnight very early this morning. As in 12:20 this morning.

It was amazing. Beautiful. Whatever else one could ever think of to call it (only good words of course) it was. I loved it. Now I have to wait for the last one though. DragonFire. Should come out June next year. But it's ok. Because before that comes... the third Tahn book! (If only I knew the title, it would sound so much better.) January 1st it will be released. I'll preorder it of course.

That's my past week. Some good, some not.

Remind me never to graduate.


Wednesday, June 14, 2006

My Regrets with Crystal, Part 2

I'm back. Everyone's gone. Now where was I.... Ah, yes...

Friday afternoon Crystal called, I'm not even sure why. Mom thought she sounded bored, understandable, there's not a lot to do at her house. So Mom looks over at me, whispers, "Do you mind if I invite her to spend the night?"

I sigh inwardly but shrug, "Sure, whatever." I stare at the book on the island in front of me. I'll sure never get it finished today now. But for Crystal, sigh, okay.

But that was just how it all started. I mean, I'm not so selfish that I can't get over not reading a book in the evening like I wanted to.

She comes. We have an enjoyable time. I send a sigh to the heavens. Okay, I get it. I need to socialize; this is good for me. That evening we're sitting on my bed talking. It's starting to get late; we really should go to sleep. But we keep talking. About everything, things neither of us have talked about for a very long time, or ever. I admit, she did more talking than I did, but it always works that way. And I sure did get to thinking.

We talked about her mom and dad. What we missed. Her new homelife. How she got along with her new "family". I still can't get used to her calling her aunt and uncle, mom and dad. It seems like they're to old to switch like that. I don't think I'll ever like it.

Then she decided she wanted to hear me talk more, I guess. She asked about my stories. "Tell me about one of them." I stutter around Ryn's childhood. Then I reach the part when she meets Caleb again, after all those years. And I just don't know how to explain. "Read it to me." And I did. I got out my notebook and read part of their meeting. When I couldn't stand to read any more out loud, I gave it to her to finish. I pray to God that there's a day when I won't regret that. But I don't think it'll be soon in coming.

The compliments and encouragement she gave me touched me deeply. Gosh it was only a rough first draft. But it hurt, still does.

Unfortunately, that's not the end.

Saturday. A new dawn, a clean slate, right? If only it were that easy. We slept in late, watched Scooby Doo. Twice. (For some reason she's addicted to commentaries.) Theresa called. "We're headed to Mansfield in a few minutes. Do you want us to pick you up on the way there or the way back?" The way back, of course. Fine with me. They'd be here to pick her up, what, two, three at latest? Sounds okay. I'll survive.

They didn't get there until 5:30. I didn't have a single minute to myself that day. That afternoon up in my room, she asked to borrow some books. How does one refuse? She took three. I don't mind. It's the ones she took that bothered. None I read before. That seems inconsequential, I know. And it wasn't actually that I hadn't read the books. I had. Just not these books. I'd read the copies from the library, but these were mine. Call me posessive, but if there was anything I could've done to have stopped her from taking those (outside the extremely dramatic) I would've. I prayed that God would let her forget, anything. Nothing. She left my house with three books I didn't own. Never would. Because reading a book is what makes it yours. Those books will never be mine. (I seriously hope I am being overly dramatic, I fear I'm not.) I hope the years will fade those first readings and make them mine again.

Saturday night I sat on my floor and cried, begged God to make it better. I hurt. I'd given something I feared wasn't mine. My story. I gave so much of myself. Add the books and I think I gave too much.

There's one other thing I regret about that friday night. Crystal asked me what I missed most about Aunt Carol and I never really answered. I know now.


Her laugh.


My Regrets with Crystal

Today is Tasha's birthday. She's 18, an adult. Scary. Nathan and Crystal are coming over for supper of course. Should be here any minute in fact. I have to hurry. Richard's not coming; he's down in Texas. I'm not looking forward to seeing Crystal. The last visit left me in tears. Not that anyone saw. I wouldn't dare.

It all started friday afternoon....

Hopefully I'll get back. They're here.

With all hope,


Monday, June 05, 2006


I got my poster today! I am so happy. Now I just have to wait for my room to get finished so I can put it on my wall. *sigh* Hopefully this summer. I know exactly where I'm going to put it. Actually I know how I'm going to arrange my whole room. I get to unpack all my boxes, get rid of some stuff. (After all, if I've lived without it for 2 years how important can it be?) Oh I can't wait. Please God, let it be finished this summer.

The poster is humongous. It is so sweet. It's the cover of the third book in the DragonKeeper series, DragonKnight. At the bottom of the poster are all three book covers. I can't wait till I can buy the book! Just a few more days till it's out. 'Course I have to have the money too. I should though. I think.

Either way, I will read this book sometime soon. I can't wait. Hehe. Soon, my pretties, soon!

Well, I need to go eat my lunch, then shopping for Tasha's birthday present. What to get... Oh dear.

God bless,


Sunday, June 04, 2006

Of Hurts and Love

Natasha went to see X3 again last night. Adam called up and Tasha asked me to go, but Mark and Kami were here with there five kids and I gave an indefinite answer because I wasn't sure how much money I had. Then I remembered that I had gotten a check in the mail from Grandma and Grandpa that day. If I could borrow a couple of bucks until I could cash it, I'd be fine. But Adam came and picked her up and she left without offering again. So I stayed home. And I admit it, I cried myself to sleep last night. Not my greatest moment.

I now know what happened after the credits because Tasha told Dad and I was sitting there too. I don't think she's realized how much she hurt me. Maybe I didn't give a vague enough amswer. Maybe she thought I really didn't want to stay up that late (like I care). I was up that late anyway. I heard her come home. Couldn't sleep.

I realize that this probably sounds pathetic. Believe me, you have no idea how much I tried to convince myself last night that it was just a stupid movie. I didn't succeed. X-Men has become one of my obsessions. One of the good ones and one of the few ones of this level. This is a high. I use this to survive. It's something that drives me. Not quite to the extent of my Germany and stories, but only because those are constant and this will eventually fade. I'll always have it though. And I'll always regret yesterday. I could've done something more. I know that. But I can't manage to push myself. If she'd known I have no doubt I would have been in that theater last night.

But there's nothing more to do about it now. I just hope to see it in dollar. Please God.

Bless you in your chances,


Monday, May 29, 2006

X-Men, again

Ooh goodie. I've got a new obsession. Guess.

Yeah. X-Men. Hoo-ah. I spent all morning checking out fanlistings. Love those things for some reason. *shrugs* I'm going to drive myself out of my mind, but at this point I don't really care. It will happen though. Watch.

Right now I'm checking out Nightcrawler's fanlisting. (Multitasking is a wonderful thing, ah?) Reading quotes. Seriously, this is fun. Now I need beyond the movies. Without my family staring at me oddly preferably.... We'll check out the library.

I didn't realize the Kurt was German. Don't know how I missed that, but it's sweet. He's got a tail and he's German, what more could I possibly want? (See, now I'm ranting.) But then again, he doesn't have claws....

I'm going to end up with all these little posts about nothing in particular. But hey, I don't care. Do you?


Saturday, May 27, 2006


That was the most amazing thing I have ever seen.

Okay, so that's probably a bit dramatic. But still, that was awesome. I'm going to have to go see it again when it moves to dollar. I don't even have words. If only I actually had money.... *sigh* I wanna see it again! I need another one. I'm officially 'come addicted. I don't think I'm going to make it. Something's going to just run over.

Oh dear. I need help. I'll probably end up writing a whole series of papers on this. I've already have three. Love speculations. Hehe. I'm still trying to figure out possible ways to kill Wolverine. I might get a good one. Never know, ah?

Wolverine is unnatural. In a cool way, but still unnatural. If they had given him the cure it would have been almost impossible for him to survive. He would still have all his adamantium. Painful.

Oh, I have to go. I'm getting too jittery. *grins*


Friday, May 26, 2006

Birthday! and, oh yeah, X-Men

I'm 15! Boo yah.

Dad should be able to go to X3 tonight, so I'm happy. I'm dying though. 5 more hours and I'll be there.... *sigh* I can't even write, there's too much. (I didn't have that problem last night though....) I'm going to explode all over the place.

Nathan and Crystal (schoolmates) are coming tonight for supper. And recipes (don't ask). Tasha gets off work at 5. So hopefully we'll be eating at 5:15. Eat cake, rip through presents *evil laugh* and run out the door. X-Men: The Last Stand starts at 6:30. LT is going early to buy tickets, but we do want seats together. Ooh, I can't wait.

Actually, until Tuesday I had never seen all of X-Men or X2. I had seen part of X-Men on tv a long time ago. From the begining to the part where Wolverine goes flying through the windshield. (Call me mean, I love that part.) I saw part of X2 sunday. Dad had recorded it friday (we were kicked out of the house) and had started watching it. I didn't see the begining though and Dad accidently cut off before the end. So tuesday Dad brought home the first two. We watched the first one that night. Wednesday Tasha wanted to watch X-Men. Figured she needed to see it if she was going to watch X3. After supper we started. Dad come home later than usual that night, we were probably half-way through. Next thing you know we were watching X2. Thursday Richard rode his bike over, so he was later than usual. He decided he needed to refresh his memories of the movies. So he started X-Men. I, of course, watched also. *grins* We only got about 50 minutes into it before his grandma picked him up for his haircut. (YES!) He took both movies with him. He's threatening to watch them again today. Not that I mind.

So that is my complete history of the X-Men. Rather sudden, isn't it? But most definately enjoyable.

All enjoy your movies tonight! (If you're not seeing it, you need help.)



Thursday, May 25, 2006

Dad's Accident

What a way to ruin a day. At least it didn't happen tomorrow. That would have been the worst of all deals. See, tomorrow's my birthday. And we're going to see X3. Hopefully, Dad's still going too. He says, "As long as I can still move." God willing. It means a lot to me.

On the way to work this morning, Dad ran a stop sign. He doesn't know what he was thinking, what happened really. Another car rammed into the passenger side. In the other car was 12 year old girl and her dad. So they strapped my dad and the girl down and shipped them off to the ER. The girl's dad was fine, apparently, but the girl did not have her seat-belt on.

Dad has a puncture wound in his right leg and a very sore chest from the seat-belt, but otherwise fine. The girl they were worried about but she seems to be doing okay. No broken bones, just some scrapes and bruises. Painful ones no doubt, but scrapes and bruises none the less.

Dad's home now. Everybody's been calling and Dad sent out an e-mail to let everyone know that he is still alive. But it's hard anyway. Mom keeps thinking about what would have happened if he died.

I just wanna enjoy my birthday tomorrow. I hope no one thinks me selfish. If anyone reads this, please pray.



Monday, May 22, 2006

I'm exposed

I have been found! Someone has visited my blog. A few someones actually. The real question: Did they really read something? *blinks rapidly* What do I do? Suggestions? (Ok, now I'm just fishing.) I don't care. I don't think. I don't think I care. Hmm. Now I've confused myself. *sigh* It never goes away.

So, my sister, Tasha, was listening to Nickelback. (She likes them, who knew?) I was with her in her car and I heard this song. It's called Someday. I like it, but it seemed so hopeless in a way. I decided then that I would pray for them. Everybody can use a little a'that, ah? So I checked out their website, got their names, and I'm good to go. And all of a sudden (as in, right now) I'm having the urge to write them a letter. Am I just weird? Probably, but I might just do it...

I like Nickelback's sound. He has a good voice, unique. Unfortunately for me, there happens to be some profanity. I can't stand cussing in my music. But I can see how they made it. And they'll go farther, I think.

Ah, the randomest things...

I got two birthday presents today. Never saw that coming. My grandma gave me this zipper fleece thing that I've really been wanting, so that's cool. Although the other part, well. Let's not go further. Gerry came over today also and dropped off a brithday card for me. (Gerry sort of adopted us. *shrug*) It had a $25 gift card for Wal-Mart in it. I'm rich! I now have $30. *grin* I can go on a shopping spree.

I don't have very big shopping sprees.

My birthday is friday. I'll be 15. Six months and you better run for high ground. I'm hitting the road, baby. *silently freaks* Hopefully I'll have some more money after my birthday. Then I can buy books. (My not-so-secret secret vice.) Ooh, and some cd's. Hehe. And I really do need jeans.... Oh, dear. This might become problematic.

Shine always


Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Obsessions anyone?

I have discovered a new game! Dang.

It's called Legend of the Green Dragon. Apparently the point is to kill the green dragon, but, guess, I'm not high enough yet. We'll see. I just hope I don't become too obsessed. Computer game obsessions annoy me.

Naturally, I love my other obsessions. I have had quite a few too. They all leave their marks. Remnants of stories to prove my interest. Writings of little sense to anyone else. And sometimes even grander projects. I won't tell you what I did with Lord of the Rings. Still hope to finish one day, actually.

But someday I'll leave it all behind and then what? Go on without the memories? I don't think I could. The memories, those remnants, will always stay. Always haunt me, and sometimes, maybe, I'll be drawn all over again.

The games I hope never do that. No offense intended to all you gamers out there, it's just not for me. I enjoy it, but it troubles me at night somehow.

Oh well. I'll live through it, my stages of life. Sometimes my stories do this to me too. Just not quite like this, I guess. I'm staying off the games for today. Reading. *sigh* Wonderful, dear to my heart books. I finished The Visitation earlier and I plan to start Madman as soon as I'm done with this. No games. Sorry.

With all love,


Monday, May 15, 2006

Stories of Mine

I was rather sick yesterday (don't worry, it's not contagious), bad headache, generally aching, and very, very tired. Today I'm better, not achy, not tired. No, I seem to be doing fine. Other than the fact that I can't process anything that I read. Sorta problematic considering I'm supposed to be doing history. Mom's going easy on me though and I hope to be better able to read all about Lysander, as Plutarch puts him.

I have a character named Lysander. He's a Spartan too. (Ironic, I know.) I like that one. *sigh* 'Course I like all of my characters and stories. There's sure enough of them. Let me introduce you.

Ryn and Jamie are my main ones. The story that I really want to get out there, know? Kathryn Danian Brooks Conan and dear James Conan. He doesn't a middle name yet. I'm not sure that he ever will, really. They are keepers. Keepers of the Systems, type keepers. James is a healer and Ryn is a master. That's the most basic information. But perhaps we should start earlier.

Ryn is born and raised in 17th century Scotland. Her best friend is Caleb. Kathryn is... special. And the only one of her family who excepts her that way is her father. The rest of her family rather... avoids her. The reason they do that is that strange things happen around her. They don't want to be associated with her. And her eyes turn purple when those "things" happen. Then the worst thing that could possibly happen, happens.

Her father dies. She's only 15 and the same day her father is buried, Caleb disappears.


Saturday, May 13, 2006

I'm back! (Oh, is that a good thing?...)

As you can see, it's been awhile...(oops). I haven't really been busy, just not well, here. I rediscovered RuneScape. I'm still not sure whether or not to classify that as a "good thing".

One good thing I know for sure, it that school is almost done! I will be glad beyond all reasoning when my "schoolmates" are gone. Although undoubtedly, I will miss them. Strange how these things work. Mom was talking to us all about next year's schooling. Asking us questions, etc. to try to figure out what we want. I am officially starting German next year. Yes! Boo-yah. There is also the possibility of me starting drum lessons. Gotta admit, never saw that one coming. And here I was all good, ready to lay that'un aside. Except at concerts, of course. Simply can't help it there, seeing the drummers on stage having all that fun.

So that's my happy news. But wait! there's more....

I.... WON! I was shocked. Blown out of the water. I got 46 out of 47 questions right! 'Course, three others got all of them right and had to have a tiebreaker. But I don't care. I won a poster. I need one for my poor bare walls, see. When my room finally gets finished. Which it will this summer. It will.

Hmmm.... What other news can I randomly post on the internet, on a site no one visits and no one knows? Hoo-oo. This could be good...

But no, I won't. I'm not that mean. So this means I'm gone.

See y'all later. Or, no, make that sooner.


Sunday, April 16, 2006

Desires of the Heart

Sometimes all we can do is what is placed before us.

That's from a book I love. The idea anyway. Maybe God won't tell us, or maybe we just can't hear His voice. So what to do? Only what is put before us. I know what is put before me now. Germany. And my writing. The only problem is what to do with it. My writing, I mean, sure, I can write. But Germany? Germany, aye, that one's different. Germany's kinda, like, an ocean away. So I'm hoping to go on a mission trip there next summer. But what if there isn't one sponsered next summer?

But I trust there will be. What else can I do?

Delight yourself in the LORD
and He will give you the desires of your heart.

Germany is the desire of my heart. God has put it there. It is certainly not of my own doing. Germany, missionary work in general, is not something I would pick for myself. I'm a shy and self-conscious person, I don't interact with people well. Missions is not my thing. But here I am, willing to go to a foreign country, willing to learn the language and culture of this people, because they are embedded in my soul. It's something I couldn't get out of me if I wanted to. But I don't, because a purpose is what every person needs and I have found mine. To live for God. And doing that by learning German, going to Germany, maybe even living there someday. God has planted a desire in my heart and it will not be moved. I will not let it.

Germany and writing are not the only desires I have. One that catches on my heart rather painfully every time I go to a concert. I want to be a drummer. Bad. But for now that is not placed before me and so I leave it. Maybe forever, maybe only for a time. But not all my desires are God's desires and God's will. So I will try to leave it with Him.

One thing you must always remember is that our first desire is always to be God. He says to seek Him first, first, and these things will be added. These things meaning whatever we will need. He'll provide if we only look to Him and trust.

Yes, LORD, walking in the way of your laws, we wait for you; your name and renown are the desire of our hearts.

May He grant you your heart's desires and may you find what you are seeking,


Tuesday, April 11, 2006

The Contest

I just sent in my contest entry. And now I'm dying to get it back.

The DragonKeeper forum is holding a grand trivia contest. I got the questions and spent three days agonizing over them til I finally got them all. All but one that is. I decided to just give up on it, because I knew I wasn't going to find it. And I haven't yet. Now that I've actually sent it in though, I'm searching the forum even more thoroughly then I did before. If I find it now, I'll die.

So, I'm desperately hoping I don't find it and at the same time desperately searching for it. Somebody shoot me.

At least I got all the other questions answered. (in noble voice) To the best of my ability and knowledge. All I can do is hope. (cut noble voice) And wait impatiently until monday. *wails* If I manage to survive that long I'll post the results. If...

Until then, live.


Thursday, April 06, 2006

Happy, happy, happy!

I'm happy today. I actually wrote something! Yesterday too. Currently (as in the last thing I wrote in. Ha. I tend to jump around.) I'm working on Mara and Bryan's story. It's fantasy, most of mine is. I'm just so amazed. I feel like I really made some progress! Yes, it was only six pages, and handwritten at that, but that's good for me. I have trouble expressing myself. You may well have noticed, ah?

I don't really have anything to write. I was just bored *grin* so I think I'll leave off here. Enjoy life in general, all.
God keep you,


Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Here goes....

Well, truth, I'm not quite sure what I'm doing here. I needed somewhere where i could write and nobody I know can read it, so what safer place than the internet, right? If nobody ever reads this it's fine with me. So, what am I doing? Who knows. God certainly. Other than that... nobody. Someday maybe. Until then I can just ramble since I'm so good at that. Maybe someone will even find it *gasp!* interesting. But if not I don't the heck care.

So, me. I write. Stories. Tales. Pieces of dreams that fall from heaven. And amazingly, right into my own hands. I have so many stories and characters I have trouble keeping them all straight sometimes. But I love every last one of them. And pray that someday I'll have the courage to pass them to someone else so they too can fall in love. Maybe someday I'll be published. I can actually see that. So many stories and not being able to write them down is just a shame. So I won't let that happen. I think this will help. I dream...

God bless,